sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
