my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
