my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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