He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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