So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
