i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
