The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This is the high leading the old right now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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