My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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