Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
