I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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