Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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