i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
