Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
