i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
