I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
