Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
