So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
