do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
