i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
