If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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