I got her a Nickelback box set.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
