i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
