you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
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