I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
