You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
