I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
