all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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