it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
