Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
