According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
