My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
