Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
