at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just want to make out with him forever
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
