We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
