so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
