On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
