i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
