I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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