I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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