You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
