Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
