You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
