You work out of a Hotel?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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