Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
