When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
