Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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