Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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