Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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