ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
