how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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